Name the one person who can drive farther than anyone but John Daley at Kapalua, has more money earned than any professional athlete (that's not just in sports but ads as well), who married a Swedish model, and is currently looking at a life of the worst possible punishment for a human male. If you were me, the whole John Daley thing and the fact you whooped Kapalua lead to one conclusion. The fact he's "married to a Swedish model" just made it odd and erotic. I speak of Tiger Woods. He who reigns above us modest human golfers. He who reigns lightening when we might score par on our neighborhood golf course.
"I am pooping on your third shot. Also, I am doing your mom. Ha!"
But, alas, Tiger is an idiot. He fell for a glorified celebrity escort girl. Oh, and a moron who had one brief moment on a reality show and decided making the most beloved golfer in history look like a perv was her moment to shine. Great job, Jaimee Grubbs. Now we just have to wait for the horrible horrible sex tapes and for those terrible excuses for women to show up in even more reality TV shows. Yes, I am sure more have been on reality shows no one has ever watched.
"Uhmmm... who is the rich idiot for 2 billion, Alex?" "Uhhhhhhh.... This isn't Jeopardy and my name isn't Alex. This is a lame dating show on VH1." Uhhhhhmmmmmm.... Okay I want to, like, fool a totally rich golfer into an awesome plot of the most cunning so that I may, like, get 15 WHOLE minutes of fame. I can totally get a tape, Aleh..ex."
2. I just read in TV Guide that Matt Damon is doing a show on the segregation movement. Really...? I like both topics. Matt Damon is a great actor. I've enjoyed him since my Kevin Smith days and his on-going flicks. I like the segregation movement. I'm a neosouthern. We accept anyone as long as they work or have an excuse... or can hang with 5 white guys without spouting about how honkies suck. I was absolutely enticed to the line up of narrators for this series. I like Marisa Tomei (as much as George Costanza). If Bob Dylan is in there, I will be too... seriously (other than "The Hurricane" which was a great song, but the dude was as guilty as I am white). Oh wait, there's Bruce Springsteen? I guess that's cool. He's only been cool until the point he showed how un-American "Born in the USA" was.
"Yes. I make a large dump on the Americans that I sound like I represent. They love me because they are too dumb to understand... or I hide my true meanings in overly verbose lyrics which make me feel intelligent."
Still this gets worse when you realize the show "The People Speak" is based on Howard Zinn's "The People's History of the United States". I like the book. It is thought provoking. However, there is no historical, nor factual basis to the entire book. I am as pro Native American as the next guy... other than General Custer. However, "The People's History" is an extremely offensive book. I say this as a history major. No serious history major (other than those trying to raise some eyebrows) sees this book as more than a theoretical document. There's no sources, no verbatim accounts, and there is a whole crap ton of white hatred. This book was where the idea of self-hating liberals came into context. I am a no partisan person, in a political view, but if anyone bases any historical review, book, movie, or documentary based on the crap that Howard Zinn passed as this work..., I dunno. Maybe the world should go ahead and end. Ugh. You have to read it to understand. Weak of mind must read under guardian supervision.
3. Bobby Who?
"Bobby Who?" is basically what the stupid and uncaring athletic board at FSU is willing to ask for the rest of eternity. Yes, yes. We have heard all of the jokes. Way to go sportspickle.com. You called Bobby Bowden the FSU mascot. Why not call Joe Pa the old Nitty Zion. Wooo! I made a funny. Basically ESPN sucks. They have sex with the Big East and Big Ten for rights to their games. Anyone outside of those conferences, who isn't USC, Texas, Oklahoma, Oregon, Boise State, UNLV, Berkley, UCLA, UNC, Duke, LSU, Bama, and a few free floaters (depending on how ABC feels about Tim Tebow's Christianity and wholesome attitude) is scum. FSU used to be champs... or was a champ one time. The saddest thing is... the Semenole tribe will never have honor again.
"Uhmmm... who is the rich idiot for 2 billion, Alex?" "Uhhhhhhh.... This isn't Jeopardy and my name isn't Alex. This is a lame dating show on VH1." Uhhhhhmmmmmm.... Okay I want to, like, fool a totally rich golfer into an awesome plot of the most cunning so that I may, like, get 15 WHOLE minutes of fame. I can totally get a tape, Aleh..ex."
2. I just read in TV Guide that Matt Damon is doing a show on the segregation movement. Really...? I like both topics. Matt Damon is a great actor. I've enjoyed him since my Kevin Smith days and his on-going flicks. I like the segregation movement. I'm a neosouthern. We accept anyone as long as they work or have an excuse... or can hang with 5 white guys without spouting about how honkies suck. I was absolutely enticed to the line up of narrators for this series. I like Marisa Tomei (as much as George Costanza). If Bob Dylan is in there, I will be too... seriously (other than "The Hurricane" which was a great song, but the dude was as guilty as I am white). Oh wait, there's Bruce Springsteen? I guess that's cool. He's only been cool until the point he showed how un-American "Born in the USA" was.
"Yes. I make a large dump on the Americans that I sound like I represent. They love me because they are too dumb to understand... or I hide my true meanings in overly verbose lyrics which make me feel intelligent."
Still this gets worse when you realize the show "The People Speak" is based on Howard Zinn's "The People's History of the United States". I like the book. It is thought provoking. However, there is no historical, nor factual basis to the entire book. I am as pro Native American as the next guy... other than General Custer. However, "The People's History" is an extremely offensive book. I say this as a history major. No serious history major (other than those trying to raise some eyebrows) sees this book as more than a theoretical document. There's no sources, no verbatim accounts, and there is a whole crap ton of white hatred. This book was where the idea of self-hating liberals came into context. I am a no partisan person, in a political view, but if anyone bases any historical review, book, movie, or documentary based on the crap that Howard Zinn passed as this work..., I dunno. Maybe the world should go ahead and end. Ugh. You have to read it to understand. Weak of mind must read under guardian supervision.
3. Bobby Who?
"Bobby Who?" is basically what the stupid and uncaring athletic board at FSU is willing to ask for the rest of eternity. Yes, yes. We have heard all of the jokes. Way to go sportspickle.com. You called Bobby Bowden the FSU mascot. Why not call Joe Pa the old Nitty Zion. Wooo! I made a funny. Basically ESPN sucks. They have sex with the Big East and Big Ten for rights to their games. Anyone outside of those conferences, who isn't USC, Texas, Oklahoma, Oregon, Boise State, UNLV, Berkley, UCLA, UNC, Duke, LSU, Bama, and a few free floaters (depending on how ABC feels about Tim Tebow's Christianity and wholesome attitude) is scum. FSU used to be champs... or was a champ one time. The saddest thing is... the Semenole tribe will never have honor again.
Doggone right, Osceola! You're once great tribe was ravaged by greedy football alumni... alumnus... alumnibusnii. Oh geez, do you remember Latin? Nope, because you sold it for some fire water.
I mean seriously, it's not really a tribe in the first place. Really they were an outskirt band. This is not racist. Believe me. They were more of an outlaw group of escaped Indians, slaves and other folks (meaning criminals and people default on their mortgages).
"Well... maybe I'ma Seminole too! Ya big dummy!" He was a Seminole. Love that fact and kiss it.
Seminoles want to fit in with the other Native Americans. So they protested their honorable name on a sports team. "Hmmmm. My tribe is being honored by their name sake beating the crap out of everyone. I don't like that" Yeah, logic is not the Native American's strong point. So Osceola is the figurative rep of the Seminoles, but the "awesome old man who made the program and then got driven out on his butt" is the new mascot. Wonderful! I love the booster clubs of the NCAA. That was sarcasm. Oh and there seems to be an Native American curse. The teams named after Native Americans... or based on them have sucked for the past couple of years. That is, on-and-off. Those are the Braves, Indians, Red Skins, Seminoles, and even the Syracuse Orange Men. Oooooo. I blame the Middle East.
4. The Hadron Collider (a nonexistent word)... or the "nothing exists" maker
Really? You have to keep pushing and pushing this. There's no one but nerds who like atoms colliding who like this thing. Basically, the Hadron Collider is bigger than the smallest country, and is designed to collide atoms. I am no scientist so I won't translate the tech stuff on everyone. Also, it bores the heck out of me and I wish this science would die. Seriously though, the theory is they can recreate the Big Bang by colliding atoms. As I am a big protester of wasted funds, you can guess where I stand with this experiment. The interesting thing is this machine keeps breaking before it can do it's job entirely. Some theorists (smarter than me) figure the machine is making a property of matter... or some element... something. Anyway, there is a "God Principle" where "God"doesn't want to be discovered. Since the experiment is to discover the "God Element" (the basis for all matter and anti-matter) this element is preserving it's own discovery. I couldn't make up a picture of how nerdy this was.
I lied. This keeps many a nerd awake at night. Maybe that's why there's so many errors on the collider... if you get my drift.
Okay, that picture is mostly for me. But hey, I'd go down with a nuclear bomb with her any day. So here's to the end of days.
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